Ode To Joy
by Lidsworth
Summary: Asami deals with PTSD. Takaba deals with mending a broken Asami any way he can. Will be multi-chapter


**AN: This should be posted when i'm finished completing my other story, and if not, i've done something wrong. Just another spin to their relationship, especially after reading the Hong Kong arc again, and seeing how badly Takaba struggles with what happened to him, i've decided to write a version for Asami. Also, my eyes are very watery, so my writing may not be up to par. I think i'm allergic to something around here, but I don't know what it is exactly. This will be a oneshot, defiantly.**

**Also, I have a hard time keeping characters in character, so if you see anything...good or bad, please let me know.**

**Summary: After a smuggling deal gone wrong, Asami deals with PTSD. Thus, Takaba deals with mending a broken Asami.**

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"I'm not a piece of glass that will be broken so easily, Akihito. Stop staring at me like I am."

His posture was stiff, too stiff. His words were forced and tight, almost as if he spoke his words from a practice script.

Whether or not he knew Takaba picked up on these actions, Takaba did not know. But he kept a vigilant eye on his lover, refusing to make another move that would cause Asami any unnecessary discomfort.

He decided to chance his luck earlier that morning and lightly brushed Asami's upper arm with his fingers. In an instant, his wrist had been grabbed and twisted at a painful angle, only to be released just as quickly when Asami's senses returned to him.

He hid the bruise from Asami and got out of bed before the man could explain himself.

As of last month, things had been like this. Their relationship that began as a sexual and passionate affair steadily began to consist of Asami's later than usual arrivals, silence and complete abstinence on Asami's part.

Takaba was no idiot, he had an idea for Asami's complete 180 in personality. Before all of this, Takaba had left on a photography project appointed to him by his editor, he was only gone for a few weeks though, but when he returned to Tokyo, things had changed drastically.

Firstly, Asami was no where to be found_And though Takaba interrogated-deeply interrogated Kirishima and Suoh, they couldn't come up with shit to save their asses.

So he led an investigation, a missing persons investigation by himself.

But midway into his fruitless attempt, a thought crossed his mind.

Asami hadn't really been missing, had he?

Or at least the bodyguards hadn't said so...but they were notorious for lying, especially if Asami wanted them to.

Therefore, with little evidence to continue his investigation, he gave up and resumed his normal day routines.

For the longest time, he attempted to convince himself that Asami was a way on a business trip, an extended business trip.

Those days when Takaba came back to an empty home, cleaned an empty "house" and fixed dinner for himself and himself only had been his own personal hell. Life without Asami, no matter how much he'd despised the man for raping him, hated the man for trapping him_Life without Asami was like walking in a dead man's shoes. His life had been doused in black and white, his purpose became meaningless, and during these days of loneliness and hell, Takaba realized he hated Asami even more than he had before.

Takaba hated Asami for raping him, for trapping him, for forcing him to stay by his side, for cruelly torturing his emotions, for making him love him and for so suddenly abandoning him like this_Giving him the freedom to ponder his relationship and reflect on how cruel it was.

And then Asami showed up at the door.

When he returned, as usual, unchecked emotions flooded within Takabas psych, each one ready to burst out and morph into a red and hazy cloud of pure anger, all directed towards the Crime Lord.

But Asami looked at him_No, glared at him. Unlike anything Takaba had ever seen before, the gaze rendered the photographer utterly speechless, terrified and afraid to even look at the man.

The gaze had told Takaba what Asami had been through.

And since then, Takaba felt as if he lived with a Catholic monk. No speaking, no touching, no sex_Nothing but each other's presence. Asami no longer cradled him in bed, in fact, he recoiled at the mere sensation of Takaba touching him. When Asami was changing or showering, whenever he was naked and vulnerable, Takaba was asked to leave.

And not wanting to upset the man, he did as he was told.

He caught a glance once, however, just a short glance.

Marks danced across Asami's back like fireworks in the sky, deep and red, angry and vicious, they painted the pale back that had once been flawless and beautiful.

Takaba only wanted to help, but obviously, Asami would have none of that.

And now they were presently sitting on the couch, Takaba, arms length away from Asami, head down and gaze glued to the man.

"I'm not a piece of glass that will be broken so easily, Akihito. Stop staring at me like I am."

_But you are, you really are Asami...you just don't know it yet._ Unspoken words screamed true in the silence, and evidently, Asami had heard this and was showing signs of losing his temper.

That was another thing Takaba had noticed, Asami was losing control of his temper.

"_Well_," Asami hissed, his voice laced with toxin as he forced the hard words out of his mouth, "Why the hell are you still staring."

The photographer looked towards his feet and controlled his racing heart. The mood, already strung at first, thickened with tension and anxiety. He could feel beads of sweat forming on his brow as he tried to remain calm and he could feel Asami's eyes burning through his very being.

He gulped, loud and dry, and instantly regretted it. He'd drawn more unnecessary attention to himself.

"I thought you didn't like it when I looked away from you," he peeped in an attempt to defend his actions from before, however, he suddenly realized he'd just crossed the line, "I'm sorry."

Asami sighed , "Look at me, Akihito. I'm sorry for startling you."

He struggled to keep his gaze locked away, but Asami's tone was so soothing and inviting. Alluring as it always was, but Takaba didn't want to set himself up for disappointment, he didn't want to be scowled at_Even if it wasn't Asami's intention.

"Asami...no," all confidence down the drain, all seriousness lost, Takaba spoke his words with little meaning behind them, "it's not working out."

He hadn't meant to say that_Well, he had, but not like that. It sounded worse than it did in his head, and he was almost certain Asami had taken the meaning the wrong way.

"No," Asami repeated dryly, his tone full of dark sarcasm, "Akihito, tell me, ever since our "fateful" encounter, ever since I risked everything to save you from Hong Kong_Every since you became_ my property_, when was it okay for you to take matters into_ your own hands_? Especially matters regarding_ your own life_, which, need I remind you, belongs to me?"

His greatest weapon ignited in the pit of his stomach, searing the anatomy of his body and causing the blood in his veins to boil like lava. Rage rekindled, anger resurfaced, and Akihito felt his fear evaporating as his aggressive side took control.

He leveled his voice the best he could and brought a tearful gaze to Asami, his anger was pouring out, and his features were beginning to show it.

"I hate it when you say that, " he spoke quietly, but never lacking confidence, his anger had assured that, "I hate it how you expect things to be okay and how you think we're "normal" and things that happen to us are "normal!...But they're noT! Yes, you've saved me a lot of times, and thanks for that! Yes, somehow I keep on miraculously keep coming back to your doorstep like a lost puppy, so to some extent, I guess I do belong to you! But I am no one's property!"

"Aki-"

"Don't "Akihito" me!" he could no longer control himself, his words broke his mental filter as a storm of water did to a dam, and all emotions poured out into the levi before him, all out into Asami's heart, "This relationship has been screwed up since you went missing when I got back, and no one tells me anything! I've got a guess of what happened to you_or at least I think I do, you got tortured or something, didn't you," _shit_, that didn't come out how he wanted it to, and he saw the color drain from Asami's face, but nevertheless, his arrogance and stubbornness took the conversation by the reigns, "You never ask for my help, never ask anything from me! But I hate it, because I ask so much from you, and you don't ask for anything in return! I didn't fall in love with a robot, Asami! I fell in love with a human being who has faults too! I'm tired of living in this...of living in a freaking monastery, if I'm bothering you that much, why do you keep me in here!"

Now it was Asami's turn to look away.

Cold and icy pity replaced the anger that had burned in Takaba's heart just minutes ago. He hadn't even realized he was no longer sitting down, rather standing up, an accusing finger pointing at Asami.

He lowered it, slowly and painfully.

"You don't have to say anything, Asami" he spoke quietly now, drained and void of all traces of fight, "whatever happened to you...whatever happened while I was gone and you went missing, you're not prepared to tell me and i'm not going to force you to. I'm sorry for yelling."

"Takaba," Asami stood suddenly, reaching his arm towards Takaba. At the same time, Takaba whirled around, making to stroke Asami's cheek.

The man flinched as the tips of the photographer's fingers came into contact with his skin, and Takaba recoiled his stray limb, "It's not working out_This isn't working out. I'm not helping you by being here, i'm only hindering your recovery from whatever you went through."

"Takaba..." he sighed again, grabbing the photographer's stray hand and squeezing it slightly, "I'm sorry for-"

"I'm leaving...my dad is visiting Japan for business and he asked me to come visit him..." he slowly wriggled his hand out of Asami's grasp and instead, slowly reached for the man's face, "Can I...?"

"Dammit Takaba! You're not going anywhere!" Asami raised his strained voice, his aching gaze meeting Takaba's sorrowful one, "I'm not a broken doll_Stop treating me like one!"

He was losing his cool, and Takaba was feeding off of it.

"You're more broken than you know, and i'm only serving as an addiction" Takaba's hand fell to his side, and he turned away, "This isn't goodbye, you have my number. It's just_ugh, I don't know, "you" time?...I'm not helping, I think I'm making it worse, Asami."

Asami grabbed Takaba's shoulder, momentarily stopping the younger man from sudden escape.

"You're not going anywhere," serious and collected, he maintained his professional and practiced voice, yet in his mind, all was breaking loose.

He shoved Asami's hand off, still refusing to look at him, "Dammit Asami! I'm doing this for you, so respect my decision, okay?! I already said, it's not fucking good-bye! You need time away from me, okay? Consider this my gift to you, for everything you've done for me, let me do this one thing for you! It's not easy for me either, but it has to be done. I guess you feel like you have to maintain this invincible mask for me, but I hate it! Okay, I hate that you don't allow yourself to feel weak in front of me...So i'll give you time to do just that, i'll give you time to recover..."

He grabbed his camera case that had been slung over the couch and grabbed his coat that hung near the door.

Asami stood there, speechless and emotionless. Everything Takaba had said, everything he had felt was absolutely correct, and Asami wanted more than anything to sweep Takaba up, to let his mask of stubbornness and control crumble, he wanted to find relief in the boy...but he couldn't, his pride would not allow him to.

Takaba opened the door, his hand rested on the frame for no longer than thirty seconds. Perhaps he was hoping for Asami to call out to him, perhaps he was hoping that the man trusted him enough to actually cry in front of him.

Takaba sighed, and let his hand fall to his side, and left.

**So obviously, something went wrong! This was way longer than I had hoped for it to be, but I guess you'll all enjoy it more than. I feel like i'm posting a little too much, I think after I updated "Here's to You, Aki", i may consider taking a break and let other writers get their stuff out there, this archive is so small :'(. So, consider this the aftermath of the deal gone wrong, we'll say Asami was kidnapped and tortured pretty badly, and his attempt to live normally afterwards turned out really bad. I think what Takaba did was rather justified, don't you? I know it doesn't really touch what happened to him, but i'm touching small symptoms of his PTSD. Part of my knowledge comes from one of my friends who has it, and than the internet. So, I think i've gotten what little I touched pretty accurate. **

**Well, happy Martin Luther King Jr. day, I know it's late, but I went to a parade yesterday. Please tell me what you think about this, and if you read Lego House, and are like, "What happened to chapter two," a guest left a review, said the chapter was completely shitty. I agreed 100% after re-reading it, and decided to delete it (it's not the usual annoying guest either), so, i'm working on that. Again, hope you liked this story, tell me what you think, and God bless!**


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